Who steals a pregnant ladies purse?

Possible answers that spring to mind include a delinquent looking for a thrill, a degenerate with social and emotional problems, a bum in need of money that couldn’t resist temptation, or some chicken *=^+ psycho trolling the grocery store for easy victims.

Okay, so the guy was pretty tall and seemed older (completely un-hip clothes, one of the witnesses mentioned a flannel plaid shirt) so I think I can rule out the delinquent. I didn’t get a whiff of anything extraordinary as he slipped by me, so I may even rule out the bum. But, for the rest, I think I’ll combine a few things and say that he must have been some poor emotionally vacant doof who was trolling the grocery store for any kind of human contact, and then just couldn’t resist the temptation of my pretty red bag sitting on the baby seat of the cart while I was distracted on the phone.

Yes, it was my own fault. You see, I normally keep a hand on the strap of my bag when I’m shopping. I really do. I’ve heard the stories, and most of you have seen the Taylorsville Smiths where I shop and so you KNOW that normal people don’t just twiddle their thumbs while making purchases there. But, the extenuating circumstances are these…my phone headset was on the fritz. I’m still not sure WHY, and I’m continuing to have difficulties getting it to sync back to my phone so that I don’t have to HOLD my cell to my ear every time I get a call. We also found out last week that Jon has diabetes. Nothing to freak about! Yes, it’s a change, and he has to watch his foods and take a couple of pills a day, but it’s not the desperate shooting-insulin-every-hour type of disease that everyone imagines as soon as you say it. I was at the store to find some low carb/sugar, high-fiber and protein sorts of equivalents to the foods we use most. Jon has been counting carbs and calculating fiber benefits since the moment we found out, but this was my first foray into the wilds of buying for a diabetic. I was in the bread isle for an eternity! We found a fabulous bread though and I went on to be surprised at how little difference there is between white rice and brown rice, as well as wheat tortillas and flour. Cereals are sort of a joke too now that I read a little deeper…okay, so Raisin Bran is automatically going to be healthier for you than Crunch Berries, true…but not as drastically as you might have thought! I was reading labels to Jon over the phone. One hand with the phone to my ear, the other hand holding yogurt to be able to read the label meant that, yes, my hand was not on the strap, although the cart was by my side.

All of a sudden, I heard a scream and some woman shout, “He’s stealing your purse!” I turned around at the sound, but didn’t even consider that she was screaming at me until I saw the back of this guy skipping away from my cart. I looked at the children’s seat of my cart and my little red bag was gone. It still took me a second to realize that, “HEY! That’s MY bag!” I took off after him down the isle…some feat for a woman due to give birth in 7 weeks, who had also been wandering around the store for an hour already. Expanding belly and chubby ankles aside, for some reason he wasn’t going that fast either! He had only made it half way down the isle as I continued to shout, “HEY!” and other ladies at the back of the isle yelled ahead to, “Stop that guy!” The next thing I know, my bag had been placed in someone else’s cart ten feet ahead of me and the guy had continued running without turning around.

I reached that cart and smiled and thanked the old man with the shocked face who handed me the purse and asked if that man had taken it from me. “Yes.” Very strange! “Yes, it is.” Who would do that? “I don’t know.” I looked at the end of the isle again, but the guy had gone, and I figured that there was nothing else really to be done. I could tell that he hadn’t even had the chance to unzip anything, much less take anything out of my purse. He must have been spooked, realized he couldn’t get away with it, and dumped my bag to give himself a chance to get away without anyone else stopping him. He was right.

I thanked the old guy again and walked back to my cart while explaining things to Jon and assuring him that I was fine and that my purse was right there on my shoulder. He was in shock that something like that had happened at all as well as that it had happened while we were talking. He was further shocked that I was so calm about it. Well? What was I supposed to do? I had my purse back. “But what if he’d gotten away with it?! All of your i.d. and credit cards are in there?!” True, but I would have had you call the credit card companies right then. I’m on the phone with you, and you have all of our shared banking info. We could have cancelled everything and informed everyone before he ever had a chance to use any of the cards. There wasn’t ANY cash in there…I never carry cash anymore…my checks are covered and we wouldn’t have been penalized if he’d tried to forge something. I already have issues renting movies every six months from Blockbuster because they don’t believe I’m me…I doubt he’d do much damage there. Aside from that there were some candies in the bag that he was welcome to, but I doubt the three-month-old now-or-laters were really what would have satisfied him and nothing else was worth anything. I just felt badly that someone that had been standing right next to me was so far down that my little purse was such a temptation to him. How sad must his life be? Jon couldn’t agree with me, but couldn’t argue either, so I headed back to finish up my shopping. Whole wheat pasta and toothpaste still on the list.

As I reached my cart, I did get to thank the lady that had yelled and alerted me. Funnily enough, she was great with child as well, but she kept clutching her purse to her shoulder and rolling her eyes talking about how she works in a bank and how horrible the stories were that she’d heard, so she was SO glad that he hadn’t gotten away with it. “Yeah, thanks.” As I was walking around the store, there were a couple of other people who asked if I was the one that the guy had tried to steal from. Yes, but I’m holding on to it now. Thanks for the concern. I guess there had been a stock-boy standing there as it happened, and he was expounding the tale to anyone standing near. I became a short-lived legend and a star for a few minutes. Dang it all if that was my Fifteen!

Another older lady had rounded up the manager and told him the story and took him back to the scene of the crime. Of course, I was sore and tired and ready to go home, so I’d already moved on, so the scene was pretty empty of any pertinent people at that point. Still, the stock-boy brought the manager a couple of isles over and pointed me out. He came up and apologized several times, but I assured him that it wasn’t his fault. Some guy just hadn’t been able to resist an easy buck…although he wouldn’t have found it so easy in the end. He asked if there were anything that he could do, but I shook my head and laughed. Such as?! He he he. No, I’m fine. My purse is here. I honestly couldn’t even identify the guy if I wanted to, so I wouldn’t be much of a witness for a cop. Thanks for your concern, but you’re in no trouble and I just want to finish my shopping. He seemed haggard and relieved at the same time, so I’m pleased to have been someone that wasn’t going to make him go through the rigamarole of filling out papers and dealing with officers. Nah, just go back to your office and turn the lights down. You look like you could use a nap. I’m sure this kind of thing happens quite a bit in this location, so take this one easy and save up for the next occurrence with a customer who’s a little less calm. I’m fine.

And, I still really am fine. I do wonder about the whole concept of stealing someone’s purse though. I mean, if they’re ragged and dirty and don’t look like they have much money, wouldn’t that be the type of person that deals in cash and vouchers that you could probably get away with some bills and not be traced? However, the ragged and dirty aren’t usually the ones you would consider to have any money and so you pass them by or avoid them because of a sort of brotherly bond. And, so, I get that anyone gabbing on a cell phone, dressed well and doing alright, is the sort of person you’d normally target…but that’s just the type of person who’s using debit cards and technology that would probably keep you from doing too much damage to their finances even if you tried. You’d annoy them, yes, but earn much out of it?, no. What’s the point of that? I guess that older people might be the inbetween score that could pay. Not techno savvy enough to be using cards and fraud protection, but earning enough to be worth a few dollars. Not that stealing from some sweet little Grandma who was buying baking supplies to make cookies for under privileged kids would get you any closer to heaven. Hmm. It’s quite the conundrum.

Here’s my word to the less than wise…my snatcher personally, but the public at large too – I think in the end, purse snatching is a dying act and isn’t worth either the consequences OR the score in this day and age. Learn to be with humans, interact with real people once in a while. Get a job and pay your taxes, and own up to your life instead of trying to grab someone else’s just because you’re having a few difficult moments. Maybe if you were DOING a little bit more you wouldn’t NEED as much. I promise, there are better ways. …And thanks for changing your mind and saving me from having to get a new drivers license. Good luck!

~ by bylorena on November 2, 2007.